Would you have a shower and then put on the same underwear you were wearing beforehand? No…probably not. Well that’s basically the same thing as getting back with an ex.
You weren’t two star-crossed lovers separated by war or famine or some other tragedy that you’re likely to see in a Nicholas Sparks movie. Realistically, you broke up for a good reason. Maybe he cheated, maybe she was a controlling bitch or maybe you just got bored of each other and broke up under general circumstances. When it ended, you might have even agreed to stay friends. But can you really be friends with an ex?
Probably not but you give it a bash anyway. At first it’s the odd text here and there just to see how they’re doing. Until someone gets drunk and admits they miss the other person. Then it’s flat out messages back and forth. You don’t know why you’re going along with it but you are. Next thing you know you’re meeting up and going home together after a night out.
Then shit really starts to escalate. A few weeks down the line you’re going to the cinema together and everything is grand – you might even be having a good time. Listen, everything is only grand because neither of you have mentioned the elephant in the room, which is the fact that you broke up. So you carry on, all the while fooling yourself into thinking that you’re cool being friends. You might very well be, but are they? One of you did the breaking up and there’s no prizes for guessing that the one that’s clinging on and arranging these convenient little get-togethers is probably the one that was dumped. If you find yourself in this situation then it won’t be long before you find yourself in the “where is this going” zone. They don’t want to be just ‘friends’. Bit of cop on lads… There’s a hidden agenda there.
Tempting As It Is…
So you’ve spent a bit of time together and as mental as it is, you might actually be considering giving it another go. But Why?
1. Better the devil you know – Getting back with your ex is mostly only appealing because it’s familiar to you. Especially if you’ve been together for a long time.You know them. You know their habits, you know what to expect. If you’ve spent 8 or so years with someone, then the effort of starting all over again just seems painful. But what’s worse? Starting again or being with someone who makes you unhappy just because it’s less hassle?
2. He called you up again last night – Most likely if you are the couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together it’s because you thrive on the drama of it all. You love the perils of telling your friends you were dumped. Then the next day you text them telling them how you woke up to 10,000 missed called from Micka or Gerra or whatever his name is and how he sent a bunch of flowers to your house. There’s no keeping up with you. Not to mention the Facebook status’ – “Single“. “In a relationship“. “Single“. “In a relationship“. “Single“. And then finally “It’s Complicated“. We all know that one person.
3. You’re not getting any younger – You’re not even sure you want to be with them but you’re panicking now because time is getting on and you’re not getting any younger. It’s like buying a dress for an important party. You’ve been to a few shops and you can’t find anything you like so rather than keeping calm and continuing the search you go back to the first shop and settle for the dress that you thought was “OK – not great but it’ll do“. Think about it, would you really want to go to an important party in a dress that was just “OK”? Eh no… In that case it’d be better to arrive late. Basically, don’t settle.
4. Second time’s a charm – Can people really change? If you were to give it another shot would it actually be different the second time around? Probably not. Most likely you will fall back into the same routine and have all the same problems and then end up splitting up… again. Then you’ll kick yourself for wasting all that time that could have been valuably spent swiping through Tinder of a Friday night.
5. We were on a break – Technically you were never really broken up to begin with. The odd obstacle ruffled things up here and there so you just spent a little while apart. So if you are to give it a chance now, you would both have to be willing to let go of anything that happened in the past. There’s no point in reuniting if a few months down the line you ask them to make you a cuppa tea… and when they say “no” you hit them with the “oh ok… but remember that time you cheated on me with your one from Coppers and we weren’t even really broken up… that was funny wasn’t it“. Here’s a tip – it’s actually not funny. Don’t fall for that one, it’s a trap. Bitches be trippin’ and they never let things go.
Still Not Sure? What Would You Say To Your Friend if They Were in This Situation?
You know when your friend breaks up with their boyfriend and then slates the poor bastard to the bitter ends of the earth and you happily join in calling him every name under the sun? Yeah – how awkward is that when you fast forward 2 weeks and said friend is looking for your opinion on getting back with them? Christ. You literally want to slap them with a fish. You might think it’s the worst idea in the world, but be nice about it. At the end of the day they’re your friend and you never know when you might need them for the same advice, which naturally you won’t follow and will probably do the complete opposite. So it’s best to just nod your head and use the generic “sure whatever you think yourself” line. So vague and well let’s be honest, it’s exactly what they want to hear. After all, advice is the thing you look for when you already know what you’re going to do.
Prince William and Kate Middleton reunited after some time apart and they’re about the only real life exception of getting back with your ex and having it actually work out. In fairness, he’s a prince, she was never really going to do better that that.
That said, sometimes people need to spend time apart, sometimes months, or maybe even years until they decide they can be together again. As cliched as it sounds, maybe you were too young or perhaps it wasn’t the right time. Or maybe they were just an a**hole. Who knows! As the girlos would say “watz ment for yih wont pass yih by hun”.
On the other hand,a lot of people firmly believe the past should be left in the past. And On that note, we’ll leave it there.
In the wise words of Lauren Conrad…
But sure whatever you think yourself…