Four words every commitment-phobe dreads – “Where is this going?”. It’s the opening line to that awkward conversation that no one wants to have.
It’s the defining moment of a relationship where one person(usually the girl, let’s be honest) wants to label/title what you’re doing. You’ve managed to avoid the conversation up until now, because it could potentially ruin what you have going on. Some people are happy to just go with the flow but after a while one of you will want some consistency. In the movie ‘That Awkward Moment‘ – Zac Efron refers to this situation as the ‘so moment’. He says nothing good ever follows the ‘so’…
He’d be right too.
This ‘so’ talk will decide whether you’re moving forward… or moving on!
Examples of the ‘So’:
So… what are we doing here?
So… where is this going?
So… are we in a relationship?
Cue awkward collar tug…
You’ve been seeing each other for a while now and you’re kind of in limbo as to what exactly you are. You need answers and that’s grand. Are you a couple? Does it feel like a relationship? Have you met their parents? Have you met their friends? And most importantly, have either of you been seeing anyone else?
If you’re going to hit them with the ‘so’, be prepared – you may not get the answer you want.
If they respond with any of the below lines… walk away! Don’t hang around like you’re all fine with shit when really you’re dying on the inside like “Oh my bae just cautious we ain’t gon’ work out. Mm hmm this fine honey gon’ change that”.
Fool. This is not a movie and shit doesn’t go down that way. You will not change them. There is also a great possibility that you’re not a middle-aged black woman who calls themselves honey.
1. They say: “I don’t like to label things, I just feel like if we start defining things it adds a lot of pressure”.
Real meaning: If we label this, then I can’t see anyone else and try to get off on the technicality that we weren’t actually exclusive or official.
2. They say: “Relationships haven’t worked out well for me before, I just don’t trust people and I’m afraid of getting hurt again”.
Real meaning: Some bitch cheated on me and I think you”ll do the same. I’m kinda hoping you’ll feel sorry for me here and drop this horribly awkward conversation.
3. They say: “I think it’s too soon to put a title on things, let’s just see how it goes”.
Real meaning – Even though we’ve been dating for 8 months I’m going to continue biding my time here because I really don’t want to have this awkward conversation. Plus, if we label this then I can’t see anyone else and try to get off on the technicality that we weren’t actually exclusive or official.
Again, if they come out with any of the above lines… just leave. Don’t say you’re fine with things and that you’re happy to continue on as you are. You wouldn’t have brought this up if you were. Right? And definitely don’t fool yourself into thinking they’ll eventually change their mind and you’ll win them over. This is not a game. Don’t get caught in that trap. They’ll end up just using you. Think “Annie from ‘Bridesmaids'”.
If you are going to be the one to initiate the conversation, don’t be a weirdo about it. DO NOT randomly text them saying you need to talk. That sentence will put the shits up any man. They’ll just avoid seeing you for as long as they can and in the meantime they’ll be analyzing everything they’ve said or done since they saw you last in a bid to try and figure out what they might be in trouble for. Remember – most men are like children and most of the time they’re just trying to avoid getting into trouble for doing things they shouldn’t be doing.
Don’t freak the poor bastard out, save the conversation for the right moment and have it FACE TO FACE. This way they can’t get out of it by pretending they didn’t see your message. Ehh… WhatsApp has a ‘last seen’ feature for a reason you know!
As a last resort you could always rely on old faithful alcohol for a bit of courage. Have a few glasses of wine and ask them what’s going on. Solid plan… unless they’re also fairly gargled and then you both wake up the next day with little or no memory as to what the outcome of the conversation was. That would be unfortunate. Probably best not to involve drink.
Basically, if they are still avoiding the conversation a year down the line… it’s not happening. It’s just not. Move the fuck on.