Why’d You Only Text Me When You’re Drunk?!


Male or female, sender or receiver, we’ve all been involved in the classic drunk text scenario. Even your man from the Arctic Monkeys does it when he’s high!

It’s a Saturday night, you’re out in a club and you think ”My god do you know what I should do? I should text _____ now and see where they are”. Realistically ____ is usually someone you fancy or worse, an ex. Never would you ever text them sober but sure six vodkas later and it seems like the best idea you’ve ever had.

Two kinds of people you are likely to drunk text:

1. The Crush – Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage to get the finger out(literally) and start texting. If it’s someone you fancy and you don’t have their number you might go as far as sending them a Facebook mail. You’re drunk, everything seems like a great idea and that’s definitely not creepy at all. Sure you just want to know if they’re out tonight.

2. The Ex – A classic. It’s never a good idea but you’re drunk so you do it anyway. Most likely you’ll text them to tell them how much you hate them and what a p***k they are. Sure while you’re there you might as well see if they’re out tonight.


It’s always to see if they’re out tonight.

If you’re going to do the ‘drunk text’ thing you really need to start putting in the groundwork quite early on in the night. It doesn’t have to be anything too obvious. The boys usually give a subtle ‘like’ on the girl’s Facebook picture – this ensures they are on her radar. The ladies might send a Snapchat of their drink just to let a certain person know that they’re out and alcohol is involved. Once you’ve laid the foundation you can start the texting.

You might even be guilty of sending them a random message that makes no sense and then pretend it was meant for a friend. When they text back ”what?”, you can write back ”oh sorry, I meant to send that to ‘insert fake friend’s name here’ anyway are you out tonight?” – In there like swimwear!

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a drunk text you’ll notice that they usually start coming in around 2am. This is because they want to get their message in there before the clubs start closing. Anything later and it might be too late to get the desired outcome.


If you receive a drunk text and don’t see it until the next morning, don’t bother replying. That ship has well and truly sailed.

Some people are culprits for the drinking and texting habit but there’s a few things you can do to prevent yourself from being one of them.

1. Put your phone on flight mode. That way you can still use your camera but cannot send or receive any texts or calls. Genius. Unless you take it off flight mode obviously, then you’re back to square one.

2. Don’t own a phone on the weekends. Although if you’re determined enough to send a drunken message you will go home and turn your laptop on at 4am and send a drunken Facebook mail. As the saying goes ‘some things are better left unsaid’ but let’s face it, you’ll get drunk and say them anyway.

3. Ask your friend to hide your phone – just make sure they’re not so drunk that they can’t remember where they hid it the next day. It can easily happen. Still, a job well done nonetheless.

4. Download an app. It’s a sad day when people have to create apps to prevent other people from drunk dialling. ‘Ex-Lover Blocker’ is a new app that prevents you from texting a certain number and if you do try to text, the app will notify three of your assigned friends. Also, it’s connected to your Facebook so if you do try to text the restricted number it will update your status letting everyone know that you’re drunk and trying to text your ex- the shame. Harsh, but clearly necessary for some people.


We’ve all partaken in a drunk text and it is NEVER worth it. The next day you feel like an absolute fool. You swear you’ll never do it again…

7 days later ”Hwey ayw ypu oyt?l xcx”


The Friend Zone!


Some say there is no such thing as the friend zone and that it is just an excuse men use to deal with being rejected by a lady pal. However, last year the term ‘friend zone’ was added to the Oxford English Dictionary, so therefore it’s a real thing.

The ‘friend zone’ is the term used to describe the platonic relationship between two people in which one of them wishes for something on a more romantic level, but the other just wants to be chums. Think Jacob with Bella in Twilight, although no girl in her right mind would ever friend zone that glorious boy!

An example of something you might hear in the friend zone…


Other lines commonly used

‘I love you……like a brother/sister’.

‘You’re the only real friend I have, let’s not ruin it’.

‘You’re a really nice guy, anyone(else) would be lucky to have you’.

‘It’s not you….I’m just not ready to date at the moment'(out with your best mate the following weekend).

You don’t necessarily make a decision to friend zone someone. Sometimes you can do it subconsciously and sometimes you just prefer the person as a friend. Simple as that.

A lot of guys go around with the notion that they have been friend-zoned by a particular girl, but have never actually told the girl how they feel because they just assume it’s not going to be reciprocated.

Never assume, if you don’t ask you will never know.

Then there’s always the chance that actually, you both like each other but both think you are being friend-zoned. Very unfortunate situation.  Best thing to do there would be to get drunk and say something. If the other party doesn’t mention it the next day, say no more and pretend it never happened. Drunk people get away with things like that all the time.

Guys who find themselves in the friend zone also believe they suffer from ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’. They believe they are too nice to girls and that is why they are never interested. They think most girls want a bad boy and then opt for the ‘treat em’ mean, keep em’ keen’ approach. This often works in their favour and then the girl comes running back.

Women are very complicated and never really know what they want until they know what it is they can’t have.

My Best Friend's wedding

The friend zone is actually quite sexist because you rarely hear of a guy friend-zoning a girl, at least not before he sleeps with her and thus leading her to believe that they are more than friends. That is where the lines get blurred and suddenly you’re staring down the barrel of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation, which is a whole other ball game(no pun intended).

Moral of the story – there is no harm in telling someone how you feel. Sure it worked out well for these two!



Golden Globes Red Carpet 2014

Last night, Hollywood played host to the 71st annual Golden Globes. The Beverly Hilton Hotel welcomed some of the finest talents from the past year in TV and cinema including Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams.

Comedic dream team Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the show for the second year in a row after killing it last year with their inappropriate jokes and skits. Tina Fey wore a floral Carolina Herrera, while Poehler who picked up the award for Best Actress in a TV Comedy, donned a black, belted Stella McCartney number.

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Red was the big colour dominating the red carpet, with ’12 Years A Slave’ actress Lupita Nyong’o and Emma Watson both opting for the regal shade. Amy Adams wore two-toned Valentino with a plunging neckline. Adams said her choice of gown was inspired by her role in ‘American Hustle’.

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Jennifer Lawrence, wearing a monochrome inspired Christian Dior Gown, took away the first award of the night for Best Supporting Actress for her role in ‘American Hustle’  which also won Best Picture – comedy/musical  on the night.

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Another big winner on the night was AMC show ‘Breaking Bad’ winning best TV Drama, straight after Bryan Cranston picked up his first ever Golden Globe for ‘Best Actor’ for his incredible performance as Walter White in the show.

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Zooey Deschanel was enchanting in Oscar De La Renta, perfectly topped off with a red lip and a flower in her hair.

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Best red carpet moment had to be Jennifer Lawrence photobombing Taylor Swift. Sooo happy about that friendship.


A very slick-looking Leonardo DiCaprio picked up an award for his role in’ Wolf of Wall Street’.


Here are some other hot men that walked the red carpet – just for good measure.

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And They Lived Happily Ever After…

Pretty Woman
Pretty Woman

Yes. Yes they did…….. in the movies… and maybe in two or three Taylor Swift songs.

Have you ever broken up with someone and been alarmingly calm  because you thought ”ah sure it’ll be grand, they’ll climb up my fire escape in a few days or chase me dramatically through an airport and declare their undying love for me”?

Listen, there is not a hope of anyone chasing you anywhere, and for three reasons.

1. Most men would be like ”ah no sure the effort of driving to the airport at this hour, I’ll send her a Whatspp and a winky face, she loves a winky face”.

2.  You most likely don’t have a fire escape.

3. Why would you even be at the airport? You can’t leave the country just because someone dumps you…. God! Get a grip.

So, there you are consumed with disappointment because your ‘Dear John’ fails to try win you back with a big romantic gesture, or worse, he doesn’t try at all.

Although, on a rare occasion when you’re sick they may show up at your house with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. But let me tell you, they will hand you the Ice-cream, mumble a ‘feel better’ type of comment and leave. And you’ll be standing there in your fluffy dressing gown, with a runny nose like ‘wait….. what?….but where’s the big speech about how much you love me and how much you want me back?’

Did you ever stop to think that maybe it was in fact, just a tub of Ice-cream? No, of course you didn’t because women like to read into things and over-analyze every detail. Men usually just mean what they say. Seriously there is no hidden meaning behind a 500ml tub of Cookie Dough.

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Those epic, romantic movies we all love have given us these ridiculous expectations for relationships. So you go around in a state of denial when it’s over because you assume you’ll eventually get back together. After all, that’s what happened in ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Pretty Woman’  and even ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’. Surely no one seen that one coming, I mean the clue was in the title.

Just enjoy the film then forget about it because there is no hope of it ever happening in real life.

Even if someone did chase you down the street in the pouring rain and tell you they want to be with you, it’s most likely because they’re drunk. Chances are they won’t remember it the next day.

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Sure it’s happened to the best of us.


When Your Non-Committer Finally Commits (to someone else)

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Yes! Really.

Cast your mind back there to THAT episode of Sex And The City when Carrie meets Big after he returns from Paris. Not only has he got a new girlfriend(Natasha) but they’re also engaged.

Why is it a big deal? Well Carrie and Big stopped dating because….wait for it… he said he had “commitment issues”. Oh the irony.  Seriously though, what an absolute kick in the face.

So what can you do if this happens? Absolutely nothing. But before you do nothing, you’ll wreck your brains wondering ‘why her?’. Don’t bother, it’ll get you nowhere.

Let’s go back to that S.A.T.C episode. So, Carrie obsesses over Natasha and how composed she is and how neat her hair is etc. No doubt if there was Facebook back when S.A.T.C was on air she would have been stalking her profile like a crazed lunatic, because let’s be real – women are a bit mad.

Suddenly, Carrie has an epiphany. Just like Katie with Hubbell in the classic movie  ‘The Way We Were’, her hair was wild and she was just too complicated  for a man like Big. Hubbell couldn’t be with Katie for the same reasons so he leaves her and marries someone simpler. The fact of the matter is that the world is made up of two types of girls. The simple girls with neat, straight hair and the Katie girls, with messy, curly hair.

And some of us are just Katie girls.

Carrie and Big
Carrie and Big

Let’s be honest, most men just want a hassle free life. Sure who doesn’t really. So some of them choose quiet, agreeable girls. Purely because it makes for an easy relationship. Sure who are we to argue with that? Each to their own and all that.

So what can you do? As I said already; nothing.

But here’s a few DO’S and DON’T’S just for good measure.


1. Stalk her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Find something better do to with your time. Seriously.

2. Sit at home and eat Ice-Cream. Getting  fat is not going to help the situation.

3. Be that girl who calls up the new girlfriend to ‘warn her’ of the type of man she is getting involved with. Don’t do that….. Don’t be bitter……… Just don’t.


1. Get over it and move on.

2. Accept that maybe you just weren’t the right one for them. Maybe they were just never sure of you.

3. Watch ‘500 days Of Summer’  then refer to point 1.

500 Days Of Summer
500 Days Of Summer

P.S  I’ve always found plain and simple to be quite boring.